Two vegans, one an old-timer and another newer to the scene, decided to launch a column to discuss all things vegan, including products, events, controversial topics, and the shelf life of rutabaga fondue (Norman really pushed it with this one, in Jeannine’s opinion).
N: How many vegans do you know?
J: At least 10.
N: How many are whack jobs?
J: All of them, except me. But definitely you.
N: I only appear eccentric because I’m the only normal person I know.
J: And how do you define normal?
N: Normal people eat normal food.
J: How do you define normal food?
N: It comes from dirt.
J: Sounds about right.
N: Many people are afraid of dirt. They think it is dirty.
J: Well, that is why I shower twice a day. I feel dirty.
N: That’s a waste of good dirt.
J: Truth is, I don’t think I’m really dirty, if you know what I mean.
N: Then it’s a waste of water.
J: Yes, I suppose you’re right. But damn, it feels good.
N: I wouldn’t know. I’m not in touch with my feelings.
J: Do you think plants have feelings?
N: I’ve never seen a plant laughing or crying.
J: Me neither, but people like to say that to vegans.
N: Do you plan meals?
J: Yes. Most recently, I’ve been writing out what I’m going to eat for every meal on a weekly basis. Do you?
N: No. Why do you plan meals?
J: So I can quickly grab meals when I’m on the go and save money by not eating out too much.
N: How many times did you eat out last week?
J: Twice. But in my defense, one time was treating you and the other time my mom treated me.
N: Vegans are so defensive!
J: Why would you say that?
N: I think they’re motivated by guilt.
J: Guilt has always ruled my world.